The humility of a Resume

So, this is the thing...The last time I submitted a resume it was 1980 something, There were no wrinkles on my face, my breast were still firm and I had plenty of get up and go...."WELL, GUESS WHAT"... I move at a slower pace and I wont even talk about what position my breast are in...What I will say is, the toll that updating my resume has put on me is painful....To me it's kinda like putting yourself on a auction block and waiting for someone to bid.....ANYONE.....Hoping that someone finds you or something about you attractive....You are selling your goods....But what do you do if your goods has a few miles on them, to me that says experience...to others that says...shes OLD... This has made me very nervous, and consumed my weary and twisted mind. I thought about how on paper it all looks appealing enough, you assume they are looking for the basics:

Is she qualified.....

Does she have the right education....

Does she have experience....

Is she professional....
(Let's face it, if you cant do blood, guts, poop and pee...Your probably not qualified)

This is what I think they really want to know:

Does she play well with others....

Does she have most of her original teeth....

How overweight is she....

Does her breath stink.....

(Com'on no body likes to work with a Bipolar obese person with halitosis )

Now, after great sweat and tears and my own bipolar meltdown, I wanted to add this to my own resume....But, I didn't

Lovely Nurse Ratchet type seeks employment.................

"Your Drama...My Trauma ".

Can catheterize blindfolded.......(That's skill right there)

No Vein to small........

But then I realized none of these really screamed "pick me, pick me".

My precious husband has worked at the same place with the SAME people for over thirty years

it's a small family run business, and he works with all MEN.....He's blown away by the hospital politics and little cliques that women get into, with their backstabbing and gossip. In his mind seniority should rule....sounds nice enough....of course, when all the guys at his shop are together, the big concern there...what to eat for lunch, and who's driving......Maybe, I should just learn to make furniture...

"I TOLD YOU THIS HAD SENT ME OVER THE EDGE"