What was I thinking........

I have tried so many stupid diets in my life, slim fast shakes....at least slim fast has milk in it.....The cabbage soup diet....Again, this diet is called soup for a reason, and as bland as it my be, it has some vegetables in it.The grapefruit diet and the ever popular 48 hour Miracle diet...As you can see, I am a moron..... I was talked into what could be the worst diet in the entire world.........By none other than my health food, fitness freak, perfectly fit, personal trainer daughter......And I ask you, what part of lemon....maple syrup....and cayenne pepper, sound like something you want to jump into for 10 days..........Did I mention you couldn't have anything but the above mentioned products mixed together in a glass served hot or cold.........It's called the Master Cleanse Diet, and it's the most painful diet I have ever tried (In more that one way)..........She thought it would be great if WE tried this diet together...It offered great benefits for people with a lot of stress in their life and joint pain (I suffer from degenerative arthritis) it would help me sleep, detox my body(she's into that, just give me cake) wash all the evil out of your body and rejuvenate you.....and I would lose up to twenty pounds in ten days......THAT'S THE ONLY PART I NEEDED TO HEAR......BRING ON THE CAYENNE PEPPER.........Along with her husband and a couple of their friends we all started together, she brings me some herbal laxative tea to drink before going to bed that tasted like tar....But it was natural she insisted.....still, it tasted like tar......her thought was ....I work nights and I don't eat much at work and this would be a piece of cake.........Guess again.......The first drink of the Master Cleanse lemonade mixture and I thought I was going to hurl across the room....I kept thinking is this what I am giving up caffeine for.....after about eight hours into the master cleanse it finally dawned on me exactly how this is going to detox my body....The cold chills I had every time I took a drink immediately followed by the waves of nausea had to be doing the trick...plus, I have reflux....Do you know what cayenne pepper does to someone with reflux.... By 3am I was snorting fire.........and what maple syrup does with lemons and cayenne pepper when added together alone should be used in chemical warfare.....The people in Vermont would be appalled.....My daughter would text me to see if I was OK and how the diet was going, but I stopped talking to her and didn't return her text....All I wanted was a large glass of sweet tea....I had daydreams of my car breaking down in front of Chick-fil-la while I was at work......Let me tell you, the noise coming from my guts was scary....No bathroom was safe...

On day four we all were begging each other to eat something....ANYTHING....My daughter and her husband were madly texting their friends back and forth and decided that whoever could stay out of the bathroom the longest, could get to the restaurant and reserve a table at the barbecue place....Me, I was headed straight for a sweet tea overdose.......


The only thing I lost on the Master Cleanse Diet was four foot of small intestine.....it was charred from the cayenne pepper....if any of you out there have any success stories from this diet...keep them to your self...Because right now, I am going to make an enormously large pan of peanut butter brownies, go set on my porch, and eat every last one of them..........



P.S.

I know where you can get some organic maple syrup REALLY cheap.....