R.O.T. Tankini

We have two season's in Georgia, winter and summer...this weekend it was in the mid to upper eighty's, so I thought I would do something very relaxing and sit by our pool today...I got all jacked up on Zyrtec and was ready to put on my bathing suit, standing in a darken closet half naked, I grabbed the first one I could find....looked good enough....I tried in vain to get the small about of spandex over my chest, but I am sure I ended up tearing my rotators cuff instead....Now, getting this off was much more of a challenge( I have seen my daddy skin squirrels quicker) When my ordeal was over I stood stunned and exhausted in my closet, I was sure this was a practical joke played by one of my niece's...Surely I HAVEN'T GAINED THIS MUCH WEIGHT since last summer.......Either way I spent my quiet relaxing day contemplating if I should call Jenny Craig or do the Master Cleanse for the rest of the spring...One thing I do know, is that little piece of black spandex will NEVER,EVER, EVER bother me again....It now resides in the bottom of the trash can....far,far away..................