Trying To Find Myself....................

How do you get over the death of a loved? Are you ever able to take a deep breath again without feeling pain? I have tried several times to write something down on what used to be one of my " guilty pleasures" only to close the lid and hid away somewhere, I've spent days on end sporting my "new look" as my husband calls it of greasy hair, no make-up and pajamas...I've taken afternoon naps and woke in darkness.....People say, "You've got to try to get through this" but no one tells you how.....I've bought beautiful flowers for my yard only to watch them wilt away and die...I thought I would be more prepared than I was...Surely, I would be grateful for the end of her suffering...But the void that is left behind is enormous....I have been surrounded by death my entire adult life, first working at a Nursing Home, then behind a Surgical mask, and I've watched as it pierced through the Emergency Room door....But watching my own Mother pass away has been the hardest thing for me to get through.....Maybe it was the long days and even longer nights spent in the hospital before her death that I think about...Maybe it was promises she made me keep....Decisions that had to be made....All I know is I long for the sound of her voice...or the smell of her hair....It is so hard knowing you'll never hear your Mama's voice again........
I remember looking around the funeral home after my Mothers visitation at all the beautiful flowers, pictures and quilts, every room was full of things that people had sent for my Mother. My family are mountain people remember, and things are done a little differently! People not only send flowers for a funeral they will also send Mountain and Primitive Crafts in lieu of flowers (My husband and I had never seen this before, it was amazing).But I was walking around looking at all the beautiful things and I noticed each one had been reserved for certain family members....There was one thing reserved for me......I remember someone saying to me the day she passed away, "Angie, I know you probably wish everyone would go home because it's loud in here, but I promise you after your Moms funeral, it's gonna get real quite".......And it did!!!! All I could think about was my one arrangement....Only One!!!....What does that say about me???? That has really tormented me!!!! FYI...Your Farmville Friends on Facebook will not be there for you when you need them!!! So, I came up with a back up plan...Besides rethinking my life.....I told my sister in law if I go before she does that I was starting a
"Church Bus/Cracker Barrel Fund", I would start putting enough money in a jar for her to bring some mourners to my funeral...I, in turn will provide gas and meals! But I want the good mourners!!!! The serious falling out kind!!!(After all I'm paying for Cracker Barrel not Waffel House)

Today's anxiety level is a 9 (I've been taking care of my Daddy and I'm pretty sure I could file legal separation papers from him and it be granted...Trust me..The judge WOULD understand)...

But today I will be thankful for the courage to write what I have written.....And Try To Breathe...........

Time................

What's your definition of time?
The Webster Dictionary defines the word time as....
a : the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues : duration b : a nonspatial continuum that is measured in terms of events which succeed one another from past through present to future c : leisure
2
: the point or period when something occurs : occasion
3
a : an appointed, fixed, or customary moment or hour for something to happen, begin, or end. One's lifetime.

These are only a few of course, time is different to everyone of us.
I haven't had time to check in on any one's blog lately, actually thought about doing away with mine...But who would I whine to!!!! Whether anyone reads them or not sometimes it just feels better to write life down...

For over half my life mine was spent fighting traffic to punch a time card and then later swipe my badge. I lived for the daily thrill and drama of the Operating Room, long hours spent with my hands in places that would make some people cringe...I let that time consume me...And I thought I loved that life so much that I couldn't imagine not doing it! Meanwhile my daughter was busy growing up, and a I was missing precious time with her by trying to provide for us...

There are people in my life I wish I'd not wasted my time on (a few of them are of the opposite sex, I'm sure I'm not the only one that has some of these skeleton's in their closet, except mine is the size of a small cemetery)

On my daughters wedding day there wasn't enough time for me to sit back and take in her grace and beauty, I never dreamed that I could be the Mother of something so wonderful and amazing as her...and the past seven months with our adorable grandson have been the most precious time imaginable.
We have two beautiful grandchildren!!! What an amazing blessing that is!

And of course my first attempt at being a small business owner....Oh Boy!!! Did I have a lot to learn....When I started doing the farmers markets I had no clue what I was doing and how much work it actually is...and now, I could easily join the carnival...I can put up and take down a tent and set up a display in record time...And the things you see at the Farmers Market....There was the time one Friday afternoon around 4pm we watched as two State Patrols had this fella pulled over for what from our view, was a DUI...It took two hours for this poor man to try and pass a sobriety test....every time he failed he would get more animated coming up with every reason he could think of why he couldn't pass it(I believe scoliosis was mentioned once)....finally the big dog came in(literally)...and that was the end of the road for him! This could quite possibly be shown on Cops! We weren't sure if we should cheer for that pathetic driver or those poor State Troopers.

And now, my time is spent cherishing what precious days I have with my Mother...
I was sitting by my Mothers beside in ICU when the doctors told her she was dying from COPD and there was nothing they could do but make her comfortable...I watched as they walked away and my Mom pulled the cover over her face and cried...That is one moment in time I'll never forget! I've signed all the necessary papers and made some hard decisions, and the one thing I've found out is that all those years in the medical field never prepared me for this...
Time spent watching someone you love struggle to do something so simple as breathe.
When walking from one room to the next is exhausting. Something as simple as bathing is horrible choir.


Now, time is spent driving or flying back and forth to help with my Mothers care..for weeks of good and bad night and days...Were thankful for the good days and we pray through the bad ones
According to the Doctors she should already be gone, but according to a higher Doctor she is still fighting the battle...And I will fly,drive or walk if I have to to help her fight it.

Your Time is Precious! Spend it Wisely!

Happy Fall Yall!!!

I've never known anyone yet who doesn't suffer a certain restlessness when Autumn rolls around.....We're all eight years old again and anything is possible.

~Sue Grafton

Men And Menopause.....................

On a recent trip with my husband I was feeling extremely "out of sorts" as he calls menopause. The temperature outside was around 98 degrees and the temperature inside the vehicle was even hotter...I was complaining about his lack of sympathy and understanding (which was my first mistake) and tiring of his looks of confusion when he looked over rolled his eyes and said, " Why do yall gotta make a big deal out of mood swings and hot flashes anyway".............I looked at him with fire in my eyes and said, "Fine, then it shouldn't be a big deal when I rip your spine out with my teeth"...........As of today we have no road trips planned anytime soon....
Wishing you all a "cool" day!

Reality Check..................

I just spent a week with my toes dipped in the Gulf Coast sipping iced coffee and humming Rolling in the Deep by Adele, that was fine until my daughter told me the song she had stuck in her head..Then, I had multiple choices to drive me insane .It could have been worse, I once spent an entire week at work humming "If I only had a brain" from the Wizard of Oz, not only drove me but several other people to the edge (Whatcha ya humming now?)...Other than that the week was wonderful, Sun, Sand and this little fellas first beach trip...

He's gonna be a natural beach baby , he thought the waves were rolling just for him..

I came home and quickly realized that my laundry had multiplied on the trip, because I don't remember packing all those clothes.. I was still on that vacation high(or just being lazy) with the faint scent of Hawaiian Tropic still lingering on my skin and Jimmy Buffett playing in my head when my husband "Rico Suave"walked in the door, he was carrying several bushels of apples a brand new apple corer and a smile on his face, "Look what I brought you, these are beauties"...He said "What do you think", I gave him my usual, I'll give you three guesses but you'll only need one.. He never likes that!!!! (He never guesses right anyway) And I never win!!!
"Better get on these soon before they get soft don't ya think".....I asked was there something sparkly in the bottom of all those bags for me when I finished...I'll give you three guesses what the answer to that was...........But you won't need them!

Happy Anniversary................

Eleven years ago today, two scared kids stared their life's together and one single Mother thought hers was over...Boy I was wrong! I gained the world's best "Son", and I've never seen my daughter happier...Pride isn't enough of a word for you two..Today, their life couldn't be more complete...

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful children..My life is so blessed beyond measure because of you!

If You Have Tons Of Time On Your Hands..........

If your life is totaly boring and your in search for yet another blog to read...I suggest this one




http://www.organicallyyoursbodycare.blogspot.com/




I hear (wink,wink) she's quite funny and is going to be giving away some wonderful products soon! And her natural beauty tips are awesome! Just saying!

My Prince And My Princess.................

I had anticipated this day for quite some time, the day I would have both of them together....After all she's had total control over her Papa and Grammie for nine years and (and she has ruled with an sparkly wand) every time we tried to tell her that there might be an addition to the family she either walked away or told us she didn't want to discuss it...So, what would happen when she had to share attention and affection was a big concern...Maybe a little bit of jealousy maybe a lot or maybe stuff him in a trash can when Gram wasn't looking (trust me, we were a little worried...This girl has marked her territory). I thought the day went very well....What do you think?

Garden.....................

It's all fun and games until you realized you've canned forty nine quarts and still haven't finished yet....Then it gets ugly! Or maybe I'm the one who gets ugly!!!

I need to tell myself how good they'll taste in soups and chilli's....I'll tell myself that tomorrow because tonight I'm gonna try to build up enough strenght to cry!!!

Still Here...................

She doesn't blog because her computers dies, then she buys computer and still doesn't blog.....What gives!!! Trust me, it's not because the voices in my head have stopped talking to me and the urge to tell everyone all my hidden secrets have died....Rest assured I'm still a dysfunctional mess......I'm just a busy mess.....Like most everyone in the whole wide world!!

Summer is exceptional busy inside the palace walls (someone asked me why my blog is titled Good to be a Queen and why I refer to my home as the palace, it's not because I'm totally full of my prissy self but because my last name is....you guessed it!!! QUEEN!!!) I thought it was cute...she didn't get it....it must be sad in her world!!

Here is the usual cast of Summer character's that keep me hopping, picking, canning, freezing and burning up in this Georgia heat!!!

It wouldn't be so bad if I glistened when I was hot, kinda like the vampires do in the Twilight movies.....Nope, not me it's a full on sweat... the kind that runs down your butt crack............YUCK!

My husband informed me yesterday that the North Ga apples will be ready for picking in three weeks, I looked at him and replied, "Oh Boy!".......He said that I didn't sound like I meant it..........I assured him I would work on my attitude........................................................So far it's not changed!

I have also decided to take my show (so to speak) on the road, and no I've not ran away and joined the carnival which by the way was my life long dream to be a "Carny" at the tender age of nine, I mean where else can you wear cut-off shorts and some old Lynyrd Skynyrd tee-shirt to work everyday....I wasn't taught to dream big....What can I say!!!.......
I was invited to sell my homemade natural bath and body products in a couple of local Farmers Markets

I felt pretty good about that until I realized they are all outside......In the mid-day Georgia heat......on a parking lot.......Need I remind you about the whole sweat and butt crack thingy!!! Tuesday's Market was 108~.....It's hard to sell your products and act like the Macy's spritzer girl when you look like your lactating.....

And my heart has be stolen and my never be returned by this little fella here....


I am 100% over the moon in love with this little boy, he has completely turned our lives upside down...I just want to eat him.....Those lips are begging to be kissed...And that wild and crazy head of hair he has...Don't get me started!!!! The adoption should be finalized sometime in August, I've never seen my daughter and son in law more exhausted and in love and complete than they are now...They are truly blessed!!! And we (Papa and Grammie) are do some spoiling!!!

Remember The Reason.........

The dead soldier's silence sings our national anthem.~ Aaron Kilbourn

Have a safe a Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

The Past Five Months....................

Y'all know I live on the edge and everyday is an adventure for me.......NOT!.....Thought I would update you on what you've been missing....I have parents who are in poor health...That's not changed...In fact the list of ailments have doubled on them...My Mother has been diagnosed with Lupus. And there pretty sure she has had it for years, she also is in Congestive Heart Failure.....None of these are pleasant.....My Daddy just had prostate surgery, the only good thing about this is the jokes he's been telling....It would be best if I didn't share those with you, my Daddy is a little twisted!



I celebrated a birthday in March that made me realize I was truly middle aged....The first half of the month I spent in a fetal position.....The second half I just cried!! A lady told me that middle age was "magical"for women.....I stood in front of a mirror naked and prayed that the "magic" would begin quickly and start with my sagging breast.....So far..No magic has happened!



I am still twenty pounds heavier than I would like to be, and with swimsuit season fast approaching I shall require a bathing suit with enough Lycra and Spandex in it to cut off my circulation if I want everything "held up and in".............Close your eyes and imagine that....Hot Right!!!


I AM STILL EXTREMELY MENOPAUSAL, And that alone is a 24/7 thrill ride!





I still have a ravishing affair with cupcakes, I've thought about eating them and then vomiting but consider that to be cruel to the pastry chef who created them.....I'm not that mean!


Just today we went to a wedding in a beautiful field, as we were walking to our seats we passed by a magical display of these little beauties....I looked at my husband and said, "This is going to be a great wedding". A cupcake is like Christmas, each bite a surprise.....I was surprised several times today!





And if you thought I would end this post with out mentioning that little beautiful bundle of love that I can't get enough of.......You were wrong!!!



I am smitten!

Back In The Saddle Again................

Could it be...Is it true.....Did she finally go to the Walmart she frequents so much that they know her by name and buy a computer?????? Yes she did!!! Yippee!!!! And boy do I have a lot to tell y'all, so grab a cupcake and a cup of coffee or a glass of sweet tea and let's get going.....because I've been saving up!!! First off, WE HAVE A BABY BOY!!!!!!

And I am ready to start showing him off.......

So feast your eyes on this little angel here......

Elias Nathan Tibbetts

Elias means "Jehovah is God" and Nathan means " Gift of God"

Due date was May the 15th....he decided he had had enough and came 3 weeks early..."Baby Mama" had a rough pregnancy and was put on bed rest, her Graves Disease progressed enough that she will need chemo treatments....On top of that she had toxemia...she was really sick but didn't take care of her self and for months Doctors said ten different things that would be wrong with our little pea pot....after his two week check up and a kidney ultra sound he looks great!!!!! Trust me, the kidneys work fine....Having a baby boy pee in your face is new to me....Anytime his diaper is off he can pee two feet in the air...Or your face! A lot of prayers have been prayed for him and we are rejoicing!!!

There isn't an Adoption 101 class to take and there should be....It was the hardest thing I have ever been a part of and I cant even imagine what my daughter and son in-law have had to go through.....I got to know "Baby Mama" through doctors visits and a few lunches but it didn't prepare me for the birth and removal of this little miracle......When he was born we were celebrating this miracle God had given my daughter and son in-law, while a few doors down the hall another family was grieving the loss of him...A young woman who's heart was broken because she couldn't raise him and a Grandmother who had to let him go....As a Mother I felt like my heart was being ripped out, first for my own child who was in tears for days thinking that she would change her mind and keep him, and then for this other family who couldn't provide for this precious angel....I will tell you that we all cried enough to last a life time....They have 45 days to appeal the adoption...We are counting down.....THEN WE ARE CELEBRATING!!!



On top of all this fun and excitement, my Mama has Lupus and Congestive Heart Failure to go along with the list of her other ailments...My Daddy had prostate surgery.....I will save y'all the jokes my Daddy has said about that!!!!! At least his spirits are up!!! And that's all that's up!!! So he says.......

My dear friends you have been missed.....

UPDATE......

BE BACK SOON..............THANKS FOR ALL THE CONCERNS!!! I'VE MISSED YOU!

Houston We Have A Problem..................

Before Christmas my beloved "Ace" my laptop moved on to the place where computers go to die....It has been a very difficult time in my life....We were tight Ace and I.....And since there is no, "What to do if Ace dies funds available"..I will be blogging from the local library until that day comes....A lot of things have been going on....Lots of "Baby Mama" drama...the Mother of our hopefully new grandson spent New Years and several days after that in the hospital, she was diagnosed with Graves Disease and Toxemia...Their not sure what effects it will have on the baby yet...The Graves Disease can cause heart, kidney and liver issues and if they increase her meds the birth defect rate increases....Lots of prayers and stress...I'll keep you posted...
My parents sold their home and moved again................This I can't talk about! I have decided to spend the new year looking for my real parents, I'm pretty sure their last will be Vanderbilt or Rockefeller....
Today I'm busy with my new project.....Making a colorful sign to stand at the entrance of Walmart , it will read................."Down on Luck Will Work For Laptop"................Wish me luck!

Wishing You All The Best Of This Wonderful Season...

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace....

Happiness Is..................

Happiness is.......

Buying a big box of candy at Christmas and sticking your finger in each piece until you find the one that makes you happy...

Ten Little Fingers.........

Ten little fingers and ten little toes and one little....................You guessed it!!! It's a Boy!!

A beautiful strong heartbeat and a little boy that was kicking around and moving everywhere....I'm already in love with him.....He was beautiful!!!

California Dreamin.............

This past Summer when we went to California it was an awesome trip!!! Seeing family was the best part..........I'll have to admit, California isn't Georgia...I found that out when I had to explain the process of making sweet tea to a very nice young waitress , she just looked bewildered and offered me some kind of raspberry tea instead....I tried it and quickly changed my mind......Coke Please! ....

We also learned a few more important traveling details, things I'm sure will come in handy the next time we fly...Being parents of a son who works for Delta is awesome...We fly for free!!!! Coming home on a busy business day (Monday) isn't awesome....We didn't come home on Monday....But our luggage did..Sitting at a airport watching completely full planes take off one after another headed toward Atlanta...Was not fun...Neither was being stuck in one airport while your clean underwear was in another.......Next time we fly, our game plan will be a little different(I will keep clean undies in my purse)....I can't wait to go back and visit longer...Thought I would share a few pics of the trip with you...

We were treated like royalty....My Uncle and Aunt drove us around town and took us out to Supper in my Uncles baby....A 1932 Buick that he restored to it's original show room look...I felt like I was going to the prom...This car was beautiful!

The enormous mast on the Star of India at the Maritime Museum

Beautiful San Diego Bay

San Diego was beautiful!!!!! We could have stayed there longer.....

This water was 62 degrees, I looked around at the people in the water and the ones sitting on the beach wrapped up in blankets and thought to my self....This ain't the Gulf Coast...The dome shape in the background is where the Spruce Goose used to be stored.

Standing on top of Signal Hill.....The view was breathtaking!!!

Just one of the beautiful doors at the Grauman's Chinese Theatre